I’ve been out of government work for nine months, and the distance has forced me to confront something I couldn’t see while I was inside the system.
After years in public health, I now realize how complicit many of us became in making the truth more palatable. I don’t believe in alarmism, but somewhere along the way we stumbled into a culture where discomfort was softened instead of confronted.
Table of Contents
Broken Promise
Starting my own work as a community builder, I’ve reflected back at the system I trusted. Public health was supposed to be the discipline that brought sectors together in pursuit of collective strength. Collaboration was the doctrine. Alignment was the promise.
In practice, it often became the opposite.
The more we tried to collaborate across agencies, departments, and institutions, the more diluted responsibility became. The result was a machine that moved slowly, spoke cautiously, and struggled to admit uncertainty when people needed honesty the most.
Hard Realizations
After my government exit, I realized the following:
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I should have spoken up more when something felt wrong.
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I should have been less attached to outcomes and more committed to truth.
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When people were afraid during the pandemic, I could have been more hopeful instead of measured.
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When coworkers were struggling under the pressure, I should have invited them over for dinner and simply listened.
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When people in my community asked for answers, I should have had the courage to say, “I don’t actually have them.”
Sudden Loss
Nine months ago many of us turned in our badges and stepped into a new world overnight. The system lost an enormous amount of experience in a single moment: scientists, strategists, creatives, and future leaders suddenly gone.
The progress we built didn’t just slow down. Some of it vanished.
After spending years inside an overworked, underpaid, hierarchical bureaucracy, I worry just as much about those who remained as I do about those who left.
Deeper Brokenness
What haunts me most is this: If the people responsible for strengthening communities cannot sustain one inside their own institutions, something deeper is broken.
We went from being trusted stewards of tax dollars and public progress to wandering tax-paying citizens ourselves, unaware of the real progress and grasping at how to be public health crusaders in the real world without a government or nonprofit behind us. Now it’s time to heal and figure out what comes next.
Moving Forward
Here’s what I’ve learned: speaking up matters, honesty matters, and community matters more than any institution. Sometimes we are socially hungover from systems that asked too much while giving too little.
The work of strengthening communities doesn’t end when you turn in your badge. It just looks different.
If you’ve been through something similar, I’d love to hear your story.